Righteous vs. Ratchet: The Power of Maturity

So the title is a wordplay of the KevOnStage & DoBoy podcast Righteous & Ratchet, but it was a phrase that hit me. Hit me like a Melissa McCarthy throat punch...the one that leaves you gasping for air, but it wasn't so much the words in this phrase that hit me, but one that dropped in my heart as I was preparing for a new blog.
Let me give you the background:

Sunday after church, a buddy of mine and I went out to eat.  He ordered dessert and I did not.  I went to get us refills and purchase a dessert for myself and when I got to the counter, the woman behind there says, "No worries, have a seat.  I'll bring it out to you."  She returns with not one, but two FREE desserts.  My friend in awe asks, "How did you do that?" My answer after I hemmed and hawwed a bit, was something along the lines of I went to pay and she said she'd bring it out. And then I explained my philosophy on favor.  Stick with me folks...

Here's my philosophy, take it how you want to, but it led to the throat-punching amazingness and conviction I felt momentarily myself.

Often, and by often, I mean, all my life (insert The Color Purple  Harpo joke here) up until last year, I always heard when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing.  Did you know that there is a second half of that verse (Proverbs 18:22)?  See, Proverbs 18:22 in its entirety reads: He who finds a wife, finds a good thing AND obtains favor from the Lord. (NKJV, emphasis is mine).  Adrienne Denise translation kicking in here: a woman's life should ooze and drip the favor of God.  What's more amazing, is the highlight reel of the things I've experienced the last six months that were a result of the favor of God.  What I loved more was He took the time at that moment to also remind me that this is what it means to be His daughter.  So that said, I told my buddy, "So often, the Body of Christ talks about how when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing, but it never talks about how he obtains favor.  For him to obtain favor, the woman should be walking in Christ's favor.  I feel like I should be walking in the favor of God that will not only benefit me but also benefit my dude.   For some, you may be thinking what if we don't believe in God?  My thought, most dudes aren't checking for a female that's living a busted life unless he's seeing something to invest in or glimmers of hope OR he's a bit busted himself and she's just less busted himself...again, my thoughts.

Though the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how I'm walking and am I of benefit?  When potential suitors see me, what do they see?  Is it the God Glow me and my sorority sisters used to talk about? 
So here was the throat-punchingly awesome thought-provoking line that dropped in my heart and spirit ...are you ready?

Some women are operating at a high level of ratchetness and a low level of righteousness.

I was blown away. See remember I said, God told me before, "This is what it's like to be my daughter!"  After 34 and a half year's, I'd finally given up on self and then I'd began to see it.  See, I'm not saying I'm always at my best self because although I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:21), I am still janky and mess up from time-to-time (catch me on I-495- how bout dat); however, the question is, where is my heart and what is the quest it's on?  See when marriage was my goal, my idol, my heart was mucky and I didn't have anything to offer any human other than selfishness, hurt and my here today, gone tomorrow trust with God.  I am definitely operating differently now because I stopped treating God as my source of pain and realized He's the one cleaning the wounds so that I can be presented properly.  The power of maturing is sometimes the triggers can cause a little level of ratchet to arise, but that no longer becomes your normal.  See, up until last summer, my levels wavered back and forth like a see-saw: teeter-tottering back and forth like a raft being bounced on rocks in rapids to the right and the left.  

Last July, I was reluctantly called to take a journey with the Lord that would cause me to close all my memberships on dating sites, stop dating events, and focus on really honing in on my relationship with God and the identity He's given me.  Last February, God answered my prayer and told me the season I was going into prior to the season starting.  I was coming out of a season where I was unaware of a lot of things until I rolled up on it.  I was walking in such a level of self-doubt that even when He was speaking if it didn't come from certain people, I didn't catch it and things I took from certain people were held to a higher regard than Him.  That being said, I knew it was a season of discovering and walking in my identity, a season of warring, and a season of maturity.  It all went hand-in-hand.  I could war better because I knew who I was and the TRUTH of who I am and I could stand on it firmly.  Step one for minimizing the reasons to turn to unrighteous behaviors. Because I had an identity I was adhering to and walking in, I could properly fight.  

Now, I have my identity and can war, but maturity is a choice. I had to choose to fight and to believe the truth.  I had to choose that even when I wanted to act childishly and blame everything on everyone else, my life wasn't changing for the better.  Part of discovering my identity was that I needed to finish some work I started with personality tests.  Tests that I started two years ago. I found myself in a situation at work and I was beyond frustrated to a point that I was NOT displaying Christ-like love, but my complaining was oozing out into righteous indignation and complaining.  It affected my work to the point that I am still dealing with improper feelings with two co-workers and we were all put in a terrible situation, but afterwards, I saw who I was in the situation and had I completed the work the first time, the awkwardness in our present relationship, could have been avoided.    I can't say I want to really test those boundaries by doing that project again, but I'm selfless enough to the point that if I was told by God to, my heart posture wouldn't be compliance, but obedience.  Personality tests like Myers-Briggs and Enneagram don't exist cover-up or justify flaws, and I don't use them as such, but I need them to help me see, x,y,x are triggers that tend to push me to react a certain way.  

Maturity causes me to say, "If I can't avoid the trigger, when this trigger occurs, let me change my reaction.  Maturity says it's not about me, but others.  I was sharing with a mentor that earlier this year, somewhere after the first God/Daughter moment, but before the throat punch, the Holy Spirit reminded me:

 What I (me personally) do is about my legacy.  I needed to mature because I get to benefit from what God is doing but it's not really about me, but those that will come after me.   

When I was thinking of the Married At First Casting Call, part of my maturing process was recognizing I was NOT ready to be an instant wife, instant bae, or instantly selfless!  I've discovered on this journey with God, as much as I'd longed for marriage, I am not, had not been, was never selfless enough in it's truest forms.  I sacrificed and did things, but had the AUDACITY to remind God regularly of all the things I'd given up to follow him (mostly when throwing temper tantrums on how God wasn't doing things my way).    

The biggest smile I gained from maturing though is realizing the greatness of my life as a daughter.  Father truly knows best. Being on the other side of this sacrifice, I've been able to see all the people connected to my choice to follow.  Seeing that in 2019, I never would've imagined any of what I've been blessed to do or see had I been Bruce Almighty'd and gotten everything my way, when I wanted it, how I wanted it, regardless of who it would impact outside of me.  Last July, I was walking in a 50-50 split, which could quickly tilt to 70-30 and not in God's favor.  I don't want to put levels on where it is now.  I am declaring a place of high-level righteous, low-level ratchet though.  On July 15 my year ends, but ironically enough, it doesn't end.  It puts a colon so the sentence can be joined with another before we put a period.   I'm not sure I'm ready for all that marriage brings, but I'm better at being selfless.  I'm better at recognizing and taking ownership.  I know who I am and like me.  I have a journey that I'm finally enjoying.  Along the way, there will be more podcasts, more books to write, and blogs to post.  Maybe there will be a mister that finds his way alongside me, but my preference is truly God's will over mine.  His smile is my smile.  I've learned that's a fun place to be. 

How to Look Good Naked

Once upon a time, there was once a show on ABC or FOX called, How To Look Good Naked.  It was a transformative show and I only saw a few episodes, but it was one of those life-changing shows.  The premise of the show was women who didn't feel comfortable in their own skin and dealing with the insecurities that prevented them from seeing the beauty within themselves that others saw in them.  

As I think about the topic of identity and I've been praying about it, the biggest revelation is how differently you begin to see yourself once the scales of deception are removed and the lies no longer have power.  For instance, over the last few weeks, I'm not gonna lie, I've been feeling myself.  I've caught myself looking in the mirror, admiring myself, just proud to be me.  The reason I share this is for years, I didn't know who I was, what my purpose was, and  I didn't like the identity I was walking in.  I HATED myself.  I didn't look in the mirror.  I had bought all the lies laid out in front of me and I was trying to walk in the identity of the me that I was selling others, but I didn't know that me and I wasn't sure who that was to fully walk in.

I then discovered a turning point. I had to come to terms with who I had walked as and realize the lies I'd believed and then see the truth.  I had to go before God and seek his truth.  Sometimes that came through kind words of friends, family, mentors.  I started reading Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer and there are a couple pages of verses of who we are and truths to walk in.  Then I found myself in an accountability/discipleship group.  We were reading a book, Bondage Breaker Neil T. Anderson and then started Victory Over The Darkness by the same gentleman.  Those three books coupled with friends and family that God surrounded me with that spoke grace over me helped me to renew and transform my mind like Romans 12 encourages us to do.  2 Corinthians 10:5 in the New Life Version says, "We break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every thought and make it obey Christ."  The key to the renewal is taking every thought before God, no matter how small or silly it may feel.  Checking your thoughts helped me to recognize the patterns and cycles I was in.  I began to see the deceptions approaching and could check them before I had given in to what I thought could be God, but wasn't.  As deception got checked, it made it easier to hear the truths.  Then it was easier for me to speak the truths.  Now, I'm looking in mirrors, catching myself in windows and doing double takes.  When you strip away all the layers that deception has had you pile on over the years and you're bare before God and all that's there is you and the identity He gives/gave and spoke over you, it's easier to embrace His day 6 phrase, He saw what he had made and called it very good.

It's In You

You ever say to yourself IT'S a CONSPIRACY?!? So, there's a song that I have been listening to lately, quite a bit actually. It seems like the songs that are the the rawest, most gripping, in your face, in your Spirit, can't shake songs, are the very songs that have some of the most compelling lyrics. A song you feel motivated by and scared of at times.  On one end, when sang with conviction and heartfelt, you truly believe it, feel it, mean it.  At other times, you feel like...um- not today. Skip. Pass. Not trying to make a liar of myself on that one.

Example: Oceans by Hillsong: Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me.  Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.


Example 2 (and the song that has been on repeat the last week or so) is For Your Glory by Tasha Cobbs: I'm desperately waiting to be where you are, I'll cross the hottest desert, travel near or far, for your glory I will do anything, just to see you, to behold you as my king, I wanna be where you are, I gotta be where you are.

Two great songs but present a very necessary spiritual gut check for us as believers.  Now, before I dive into this, let me say it isn't possible. ON the contrary, I am writing this because it is very much possible.  See I for years used to pray, God make me a woman of great faith.  I didn't want to walk as a person of no faith, little faith, or even just plain 'ol woman of faith, but had this earnest desire that God would make me a woman of great faith.  I prayed it blindly knowing that if anyone had the capacity of giving that to me it was God and God alone.  What does that have to do with these songs???

We in the midst of worship often connect with songs, make them personal.  They minister to us where we are and we bond with these songs and sometimes look to walk these things out.  We have good days and some not as good days.  ;)   With Oceans, we connect with the notion of really wanting to give over to our faith and trust in God and have a whatever you say God- I got it, but we have days where it's like God...please don't call on me to do that thing right there, cause I'm not so sure.  We have a Peter moment.  Call me God, I'll come to you and then there are moments when our faith wavers, not God.  The great news, the resolution, the check you can cash at the Bank of God is that He doesn't waver, falter, fail, or change.  He stays the same.  He commands the waves and winds obey him.  He walked on the water and the power that resided in Christ our Lord is the Holy Spirit that leads us and guides us in our walk with God, into his presence, and speaks with us on what God is wanting to do in us and through us in the life he's already paid for.  Let's think of it this way:  Who wants to pay for a limo service to take you to a designated place and then is perfectly okay with the limo driver going only where he wanted when he wanted???  We would want a refund.  I love God for not asking for a refund on my life because there are times when He calls for me to follow Him out on the water, down the road, or to open my mouth, and my posture was sadly, less than compliant, or even times surpassing disobedient and landing right at the doorstep of rebellion.

I love the idea of For Your Glory because it comes with a desperation.  God I will go anywhere, do anything just to see you.  You don't have to give me anything...I JUST GOTTA SEE YOU!!!
The most wonderful answer and the greatest Hope is the answer to it is the same as Oceans.  The Spirit of God wrapped up as the gift of the Holy Spirit living in us can help us see God 24/7.  God doesn't have a Closed for Vacation sign, Out to Lunch, or even a Away from the Office or Desk.  There's no secretary standing between you to help Him dodge your calls.  God wants to show us him.  He gave us what we need to encounter His presence, to see His glory, to hear His heart, and have unrestricted encounters with Him.  It's in you.  The power to grow in faith.  It's In You.  The power to trust God.  It's In You.  The Desire to See God.  It's In You.  WIll you let it come out is the question?
For His Glory, Will you let it come out?

Love ya'll lots
~AD

Reflecting the Shepherd

So, being an artsy, creative gal, I love movies and I lines and moments tend to stick with me well after I’ve watched it once, twice or even ten times (we’ll discuss those movies later), but one movie line and one song line that are cliché and yet I can’t always get past is: Attitude reflects leadership in Remember the Titans, and respect is given and not earned- that I am not sure who to attribute that too.

Starting with the first­­—as a believer, our leadership, no matter who it is that walks alongside us, mentors us, disciples us on this earth, our greatest leader will always start with our Great Shepherd- our Heavenly Father.  So then, if attitude reflects leadership, does the attitude you show forth reflect God?  Do you show the love He shows?  Do you reflect his kindness-the kindness that leads to repentance?

Respect is given and not earned reflects the self consumed perspective of today’s culture.  Do for me and I do for you, but what about freely you have received, freely give.  We have received love, grace, and mercy freely from God daily.  It is not held hostage and it is not earned.  We receive from God based on his character…his faithfulness to himself.  So the question I pose to you today, what are you withholding from others that poorly reflects God?  

Why Double Down- When I Can Go All In?

SO....30? For the last 29 years life has been more than a rollercoaster of events and emotions.  It has been a journey, a battle, at times the horrific dream that you want to wake up from, but no matter what, it seems like you can't shake yourself awake.  I have been fortunate enough to have experienced life as the walking dead and to now experience eternal life.  I have had moments where I folded, where I couldn't comprehend the hand I held, and the hand that held me, that secured me.  I think back to the moments that brought to light my greatest exhibits of faith- the moments where I went all in...what made me go all in then and resist in others?  

So in light of songs like Brad Paisley's Letter to Me I write this not just to myself but to every other person that struggles with the notion of going all in with God:

Dear 30 (or whoever else venturing to capture this)-You are Loved by the God of the universe, your Heavenly Father- the King and Creator, and you are His.  He loves and cares for you and has laid a path across a solid foundation in Him.  You've spent the last 29 years splitting hands and betting minimally, expecting to lose.  This year, you will walk hand in hand with the Father and be led of him in a way that will blow your mind.  The miracle working God of the Bible has said and greater works shall you do.  Don't be reserved.  Go all in in your relationship.  Talk to him.  Pour out your heart.  Shed all your tears.  Laugh with with him.  Walk with him.  Love loves you, so love Him back. The same One that holds you, walks with you  and teaches you, is the same Powerful One that delivered you out of darkness and into his marvelous light...the same Eternal One that exist from Everlasting to Everlasting...the same great God that resurrected the same Jesus that hung cursed bearing the weight and debt of your sins.  Live everyday grateful to know you belong to Him and know that searching for love is unnecessary because Love has found you.
Sincerely,
The Old You

To those like me, that have struggled accepting God's love- nothing in this world compares to His love.  No human love compares to being loved by Love itself.

Love ya'll!
~Adri D

The instruction of the Lord is perfect, renewing one's life; the testimony of the Lord is trustworthy, making the inexperienced wise.  The precepts of the Lord are right, making the heart glad; the command of the Lord is radiant, making the eyes light up.  The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever; the ordinances of the Lord are reliable and altogether righteous.  They are more desirable than gold-than an abundance of pure gold; and sweeter than honey, which comes from the honeycomb.  In addition, Your servant is warned by them; there is great reward in keeping them. Psalms 19:7-11 HCSB

I'll Never Let Go

So, I know the title sounds a little like the cheesy line from Titantic, but I find it fitting for my first post.  I love going to see my Brailyn, who is like my niece for those who don't know.  Not only is it guaranteed to be a time tilled with laughter, but she is also a vessel God uses to teach me, often unexpectedly.  

This time was no different.  While fixing us a snack, she comes in and begins to chat with me and to sum it all up, she had a desire to be able to touch the ceiling.  As I go to pick her up, she panics and begins to whimper.  I put her down and ask her if she trusts me.  She says yes.  I tell her I would never drop her and she says, "I Know."

I walk back into the kitchen and she comes back and tells me she's ready and after waiting a few minutes, we try again.  This time I have her walk her hands up the wall so she can see how obtainable her goal is.  Three palms from the top, she cries out for me to bring her back down and tells me she's afraid.  I bring her back down slowly and put her  on the couch in front of me.

"Brailyn, do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"Brailyn, have I ever dropped you?"
"No."
"Don't you know that I would never do anything to hurt you or let you get hurt?"  And as I ask this last question, I can hear the heart of God.  I hear God asking me the same things.  Her answer.  The same as mine.  I know.

After getting her to say, I can touch the ceiling.  I will touch the ceiling.  I am going to touch the ceiling.  My munchkins walks her hands up the wall and touched the ceiling.

God so often is trying to pry us from our position of paralyzing fear and move us past a confession of I can to I am.  We have to know that God is constantly whispering to us "I'll never let go."  Move past desiring to do the will of God to living and walking out the will of God.  The joy of purpose fulfilled is far greater than potential paralyzed.